Note for myself

sunday, 16 june 2013

at home sembari mendengarkan Rumor -  Butiran debu.

i never felt so much down like this before. tapi sebetulnya memang semua salah aku kok,

i remember last april 21, i met a young fine gentleman in progress. known him from a friend site. and i encourage myself to ask him out for a casual date. and i was impressed, it was sparkle at the first sight. yes....i was in love, i had a crush on him. he introduced himself as Yusak (which turns out to be a cover name hehehe) a sundanese who just arrived in Jogja and tried his luck to work in a hotel. i felt sincerely when i look into his eyes. i have never had a doubt that he would harm me further.....i was in love and i really dont want to loose him the way i lost dek mbem the last time.

but then again, i really dont know how i should process it. all that i have thought is how to propose him. and maybe this is the main reason why i am so hurt. we spent time together, we shared stories and we sticked together. i tried my best to be the best boyfriend...and yes, again i thought i tried too hard to get him. i really love him the way what the world have taught me about. and i really aware that Jesus Christ in Heaven won't say yes to my prayer for him.

until today. i really realized that he is so special that i should never push anything to him. i love him and that is why i have to quit expecting for some more....i dont want to end up chasing status to be his boyfriend.if it should hurt, then let me be the one to feel it.... i dont know what will happen later and how will this so-called-relationship would be but i believe that God brings way for me to learn my lesson. i love you dek.....but if that keep us apart, i am willing to let it go.